The other night I dreamed of blowing my brains out with a shotgun. It didn't kill me, somehow I continued living with the back of my skull gone with my blood-matted hair from the top of my head covering the gaping, bloody mess.
You raise the blade.
You make the change.
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door, throw away the key.
There's someone in my head.
But it's not me.
Good day today and yesterday. Things have been really great between M and I. It's wonderful to be so in love after five years.
And after my considerable money concerns, BA sent me a healthy check (two years ago, my transatlantic flight was delayed almost five hours). If that wasn't good enough, I was given back the surplus tax I paid! This money has more than bridged the gap left by being laid off. And I haven't even received my final paycheck from said job yet. Sweet relief!
Been better on track with food and exercise.
Exhausted from a ridiculously long, understaffed shift.
Yesterday was.... bad. Very high calorie (probably 2,000!!) and was too exhausted to exercise. Worked 22 hours out of 48. Fell asleep at 19:30 and woke up at 08:00 for work still tired.
Haven't eaten since 19:30 and it's now 10:20. I'm not especially hungry, either, which is a fabulous change of pace.
I work until 5pm and then will hopefully drag myself to the gym. I plan to have a salad, a banana, and a small piece of chocolate for lunch. And maybe some sex. I get an hour for lunch, not long enough for a good gym workout, unfortunately.
I fucking hate certain noises. Dogs barking. People chewing. Ticking clocks. And ESPECIALLY the random ticking of radiators. These noises make me irate for some reason. And I am currently being subjected to the last and I'm really struggling to not loose my shit.
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